Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
her facebook's as public as her vagina
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
