dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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