I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
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i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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