when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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