you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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