You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
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I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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