he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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