Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
