Where is the hickey?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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