I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
