this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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