So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
