That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
