Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize