I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
