yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
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Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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