I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
