I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i dont even know how to be here
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
