I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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