Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
