This is not my ceiling
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
