She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
