Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
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He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
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And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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