Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
