So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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