the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
