i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
