6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
