You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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