Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
