Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
