I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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