you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
