Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
