I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
