just come out here and I will go home with you...
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
