No more Irish car bombs ever.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
