those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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