you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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