he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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