It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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