Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
