I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
