Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
