haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
