do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
