I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
