i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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