Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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