if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
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