He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You have to summon your inner elephant
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
