Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
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I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize