R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
