I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
