i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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