Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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