My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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