I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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