Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
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We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
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I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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