if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
and she was petting her beer can
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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