I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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