pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
