someone threw a dead crab at me
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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